sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
