Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
