last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Randomize
