Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
