In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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