I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
