So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
