no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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