we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
