You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
