So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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