guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
