I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He did a backflip because drugs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
