butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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