This girl is more easily done than said...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
