why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Houston, we have a blender
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
