I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
