yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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