so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
