I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
