some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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