Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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