Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
