I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
