He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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