i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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