wrigley field is MILF paradise
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
