Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
