every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
