Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
