Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
