i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
