Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm passing your future prison.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
