so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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