Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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