yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
