Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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