Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
