even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
