i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
