Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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