Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
