right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
