Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
