I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
