I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
