I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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