I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
