Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
