Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
